Why I'm Not A Great Writer (Yet)

Everyone can write, to some degree, when they are feeling any sort of extreme emotion. Fall in love, have a baby? The poetic words will come flowing out of you. Have someone close to you die? Watch the pain scream out from the page.

But the mundane? Writing about the trip to the grocery store, or the traffic home, in an unique and rivoting way? THAT takes talent. Even wanting to sit down in front of a screen and find a way to accurately describe the silly thing that happened takes a whole 'nother mindset.

A completely different perspective. I'm not there yet.

At any given point I have so many half thoughts and dialogues that if I could get it onto paper they would have a chance of life beyond my brain. (A scary place sometimes)

So, that's my goal. I want to be able to write about the mundane.

Geronimo!!!

Hello there Anonomous Eyes!

Approximately 9 months ago my life was completely flipped upside down, and I had to start redefining what everything meant, and more importantly, I had to start redefining myself. I still have a ways to go, but I really feel like for the most part I'm taking steps in the forward direction. 

This upcoming Tuesday, (as in 3 days from now), my life is getting another huge flip. This one is temporary, but still huge. For 7 weeks, my son's father will be working in another state, far enough away that there will not be any visits. Now this is awesome, and amazing, and I'm super proud and excited that my ex is getting this opportunity. I honestly would've been a little mad if he hadn't gone after this, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't change everything here.

In two weeks my son starts preschool. He's missing the first day of school. That's heartbreak city for both of them. While he's gone, my son will be able to talk to him on the phone, and over Skype, but he won't have his Daddy Days. 

As luck would have it, a kitty has found his way into our lives this week, and I truly think it's a Godsend. My son has bonded so incredibly with this cat, and loves him SO MUCH, that in this week he's become emotionally softer. Having another living creature in his life has opened him up to the many different faces love has. I am so grateful for this cat entering our lives when he did, I think it was kismit. 

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Before these changes happened, I was planning on writing you here and telling you a little bit more about some of the progress I've made in my writing projects, so I'm going to do that now. I am currently writing 2 articles, one on how Geek Culture influenced my life as a teen, and another on the not so pretty part of my personal story. I am also working on a script for a kick starter project for some MASSIVE changes at work (more on that later), and a matching script for a video for the same project. Then because I'm a lameo, I'm also working on a poem like thing. (Don't expect to see that anywhere, and if you do see it, it'll be under another alias). 

Writing on any sort of regular basis is a bit of a struggle for me, I always have thoughts that get re-buried before seeing the light of ink to them, so to have so many projects going on right now, PLUS being a mom, PLUS working full time, PLUS actively trying to make room for the people that count in my life.. I feel like I've earned a star. Maybe not a gold star, but definitely a silver or a bronze star. 

I've also come to a tentative truce with technology right now. The secret to my successful juggle of all things previously listed? Google Drive. I'm amazed at it's awesome butt saving skills. 

So, I guess I'm feeling pretty good about things right now. Sure, I need to do a better job of focusing sometimes, but seriously, who I am today is a lot better than who I was a year ago. I keep catching a case of the feels of the overwhelming sort, looking around at how many awesome people I have in my life to call friends. I swear without them, I'd be as batshit crazy as before. 

This is a hodgepodge post, so I apologize if you feel I bounced from subject to subject without paying proper due, but it is what it is. Freestyle blog writing happens a lot here. ;) 

Sliding Doors..

I'm feeling a lot less pessimistic since my last post, I even got out of town for a weekend which was pretty amazing, so here I am. There is a very strong possibility that what I am about to share sounds COMPLETELY wackadoo, so yeah, prepare yourself or whatevs.

There was a movie approximately a decade ago called Sliding Doors, starring Gweneth Paltrow (and a totally fake British accent) that showed the difference her life could take based on a random 5 second event that made her either catch or miss her train home. It floated between the two paths pretty seamlessly, and both paths were pretty bumpy (just one was worse than the other) and the one that ended up being her actual reality, while was pretty brutal, the ending still got her to a point on the path that merged with the other alternative path.

I originally saw, then dismissed this movie as a teenager, mostly because I wasn't at a point where it made sense for me to take anything from it.

Anywho, about 2 months ago I was working and all of the sudden I had the strangest sensation that I was sitting somewhere else, doing something else, with a different person. It lasted maybe 10-15 seconds, but it was strange. I'm calling it a sensation because my body actually felt the different fabrics and the brush of skin against my own. Almost like reliving an intense memory, except that all I have of this event is the memory of itself, no original event to have flashed back to. Since then I've experienced the same sort of thing maybe 3 more times or so and I've been super confused. Netflix reminded me that Sliding Doors existed, and I watched it (and liked it shh) and it got my little brain thinking. What if for every choice we make, or everything we almost do, there's some sort of alternative path that follows to completion? I am definitely a word vs numbers person, but I'm also pretty fact orientated in my thought processes. Honestly, typing this experience out feels like I'm putting my crazy on display, and comparing it to a silly RomCom from the 90's makes me feel like a complete doof, but I can't help myself, I needed this weirdness out of my brain.


TL;DR: I'm quite possibly crazy, or living in a crappy RomCom movie with a small budget. ;)