Sunday, July 7, 2013

Tough Skinned.

So according to my stats page I was due for this about 2 days ago, since that's when eyes starting popping back to see if there's anything new. Don't worry, unless you actually click the "follow" button your eyes stay anonymous and all I get is a visitor counter, and even then, until someone clicks on it I won't know for sure what happens, for all I know you stay anonymous.. ;)

I'm not quite sure where this one is going, I've had a few different thoughts the last handful of days but my brain frequently empties itself for new information so who knows what's going to happen here.

I follow a famous blogger who at least in the public eye is completely hardcore awesome. All sorts of honest and strong and tough. She's kinda become my current hero, as she just seems to be sharing things I need to hear, right when I need it. Kinda like a really accurate horoscope minus all the woo-woo shiet. She introduced me to a singer named Robin Thicke, apparently he's been around a while, but was recently re-branded. He's all soulful (and delish) so I've been listening to a lot of that bluesy, soul bearing music recently. It's awesome except when I get all goopy over nothing so I think I need to get back to my normal genres.. Once of course Pandora plays the song I requested (Day 4, still no luck).

So, I know a gal, younger than me and cute as a freaking button. Small framed, soft voiced and very... dainty looking. I'm afraid of broaching certain subjects around her because I don't want to offend her sensibilities, and I am NOT the only one. She has master the "needs protection" look and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even realize it. From what I know, she has a nice bubble of protection from her family and loved ones.

Looking at me, no one has ever had the "needs protection" feels, and I've never given reason for that. I have 6 siblings on one side of my family and I'm the oldest so they used to dogpile on me. I'm a bit stubborn so I would end up winning. In High School, a group of girls and myself "Powder Puff" fought and again, I won. (PP fighting was an all out free for all where we weren't allow to leave marks, especially not on places that clothes wouldn't cover, it was all in fun and just as an outlet). Most recently, I performed a removal of a wisdom tooth. On myself. So my mental fortitude is on the strong side of things yeah? No one has ever had the urge to come to my rescue, or if they did they fought it, because honestly even if I needed it, I would have had a hard time taking it.

For as much as I talk, I'm not a big sharer, growing up my mom had this need to tell every single new friend every single crap thing that happened to us to garner their respect and pity for her strength and struggles respectably. All my dirty little secrets just tossed out to complete strangers. My entire life I have been the subject of SO MUCH gossip I can't stand it. I don't want your pity and I don't want to be looked at as some broken thing. If you know things that means I trust you to keep it to yourself and not change your opinion of me.

Contradictory right? I'm totally jealous of a gal who gets to keep her softness when I'm the one who killed it in myself.

Thing is, I don't NEED to be protected and put in a bubble, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice for someone to succeed in putting me in one anyways, ya know? Heck, I probably would try to pop the darn thing, but that's just how I roll.. ;)

A Little Blasphemy as a Literal (and Figurative) Sign of Progress

 Hello there, it’s been a while, and in true returning from ghosting fashion, I am here to either share something vapid and meaningless, or ...