Friday, January 25, 2013


I went to a seminar early this week that said blog posts should only be between 300-400 words TOTAL. So not ever happening here.. ;)

Anywho, When I was growing up, I dreamt of moving back to LA, living off Ramen and being a famous writer/photographer. In reality, I spent the majority of my senior year of HS in one of the most dysfunctional relationships known to man and I forgot to apply to any colleges. The only part of that dream that came true was the over abundance of Top Ramen in my late teens/early 20's. To this day I can't touch the stuff.

After HS, I dreamt of being THE boss of something, anything. At one point I was trying to become a Retail Store Manager for a toy company that no longer exists. I spent 5 years with them to be denied raises and promotions because I was an unmarried female and that made me too unstable to promote. I watched a good handful of men trained by me get the promotions I was seeking. (Bastards)

In massage school we were given an assignment where we were to create Vision Boards of what we want our futures to look like. I ransom note styled my dreams of a 4 day work week, college funds for any children I might have (I was barely even engaged so this was Pre-Aydan), and this amazing community center like day spa that I could still very easily spend at least an entire hour talking about.

After Monkey was born, I almost gave up. Pregnancy ran such a number on me, I was ready to just go back to running a register or being someone's over qualified secretary.

I don't know why, but one day I did start applying for jobs that I did actually want, and I ended up landing a pretty great massage job that kept me relatively happy for over a year. While I was there, I worked a few other places as well, AND on my own business again. Before Aydan I was pouring my heart and soul into someone else's dream, and I was making an average of $600/week, but I felt unfulfilled.

Now here I am. January 2013. Officially solely self employed for the 3rd year. 2 rooms, 2 other LMTs and a PT receptionist under my lead. An expansion in my building that's leading me towards managing an entire building.

And in my personal life, for the first time ever, I have a group of people in my life that I can count on for support. Not just one or two people, but an actual gaggle! The people that I can count on to be there actually shocks me. Some of the most dependable people in my life are the ones that I thought to be flaky and unreliable. I did a real disservice to myself and them to categorize them that way, but consider it lesson learned. ;)

The other big shocker to me is, somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to leave Az and go back home, and Az became my home. As much as I want to travel and see the world, I think it would break my heart a little if I actually lived somewhere else.

So. Yeah. Today's not some special day, just a random Friday where a 90 min client NC/NSed me and wasn't the last one scheduled. But that kinda makes this better. I'm not sharing this because I'm getting to eat some amazing pie or because I have a twinkly tree in my house, I'm sharing this because even though today was a pretty crazy, frantic day, I am incredibly happy to be living the life I'm living.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I'm not as think as you dumb I am....

First off, I want to point out that I almost wrote this last night around 2am, but I stopped myself for a couple of reasons. 1) If I'm going to touch on this subject my spelling and grammar should be in the reasonably correct category. 2) So far my late night posts have been more rambly and really, it was 2am.. Just because I never sleep doesn't mean I shouldn't TRY to sleep... So here goes my attempt to convince you that yes, there is in fact a brain hiding under my brightly colored hair (which is currently Cherry Red fyi).

Secondly, I'm making some assumptions about the people that read this that are as follows;
If you're reading this most likely you:
*Have seen my face when words fall out of it
*Knew me decently well at one point or another in my life
*Have looked at me while I was talking like I sprouted another head
*Don't know nearly as much about me as you think ;)

Ok. So without turning this into one of those pathetic woe is me things, lets just say my childhood was more sadness and stress than lollipops and gumdrops. Before I even hit puberty I was dealing with shiet that not even some grown folks could handle. So to cope, I did a couple of things, first, I started my lifelong off and on relationship with nicotine (currently off btw) and whenever possible, I turned off my brain. I became a pro at word vomit. Ironically I was in the honors classes in school, but if you asked the kids in my classes they probably couldn't tell you why.

Eventually, it just became second nature to dumb myself up, to the point where even now it's assumed I'm an immature ditz. Very few people even try to disprove that "fact", and when someone stumbles across the knowledge I'm not a blooming idiot the shock factor is pretty high.

So what's the point of me claiming to be of the intelligent variety? I'm needing to do bigger and better this year, and that means being able to convey smart versus dumb, and that means convincing myself. If I can't prove myself to myself how can I prove myself to anyone else?

2013, I'm coming for you. ;)

A Little Blasphemy as a Literal (and Figurative) Sign of Progress

 Hello there, it’s been a while, and in true returning from ghosting fashion, I am here to either share something vapid and meaningless, or ...