That doesn't change the fact that this time of year always bums me out a bunch. I get wonderful tokens of appreciation from people that I flutter in and out of their lives that makes my heart smile, but to the people that hold the most real estate in my heart, I get their leftovers. I don't do things so people will do things for me, that is a gross way to live life. That doesn't change the fact that every time I give someone a gift that I put a little bit of myself into, and in return I get their scraps nice enough to pass off as gifts, that it stabs me deep inside.
It goes back to something I mentioned a couple of posts ago, if I am constantly pouring myself out, but there's nothing to refill me, eventually there will be nothing left but a shell.
Luckily my birthday is towards the end of the year, as well as these heart-wrenching holidays, so I only have to feel like this all at once for a couple of months. Come the end of January/beginning of Febuary I will have gotten over these sad pity me feels, just in time for me to start planning birthday gifts for the ones I love.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
(Next post, I'll word vomit some happy on you)
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