When all you're looking for is one big win.....

So, I've been all sorts of in a funk for conservatively guessing, 2 months. Summer was hectic, people were yelling (at me, a lot) and I started to doubt myself. Asking myself questions about my goals and dreams and generally wondering if I wasn't a huge idiot for thinking I was special enough to be going after such lofty goals. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel, but I constantly felt like I was just slamming my head into a cement wall all day everyday with no results. Bad analogy, since is there ever a point of slamming your head into a cement wall? But whatev. My point remains. Frustrated, angry, grumpy, and EXTRA snarky was my MO. (Scary I know, since my natural snark level is pretty high)

Anywho. Earlier this week the washer at work "broke". I'm going to say the solution was one part hole in the wall that needed patching, one part too much laundry soap in the machine. ;) Yesterday the machine was supposed to be fixed at 7 am so I didn't take home laundry, just to be told first that it would be fixed by 1pm, then this morning. If you don't know what I do for a living, I'm a Massage Therapist. Which means laundry is the second or third most important part of my job. Before I even had a chance to think about how that effected my day, one of my LMTs asked if I would like it if she took home some laundry and dropped it off on her way to her other job.

BOOM! Just like a 2x4 it hit me. (Sorry, I'm really off my game in metaphors tonight). Here I am stressing out, begging for a win, and I already had it. Yes. It's been a slow couple of months, and yes I am behind in work bills. BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY I have three amazing, dedicated people show up for work because they don't think I'm a spaz. Ok. So they probably do, but they believe in me, and what I'm working for and that is the biggest win I could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, and my new fear is not being able to adequately express my appreciation for their existence.

Same day I got an email from Erica with Redhead Writing with a blog from a guest writer. It all spoke to me, but this one sentence really slammed the win into my brain:

"Maybe you’re struggling, too....

• But why is your self-worth tied to money?"

When did  I become so freaking dollar obsessed?!?!?! I HATE people like that, and in the last few months I became just that.
Now this doesn't mean that I don't have to "Stop the Bleeding" as someone recently said to me, but I'm getting that done and come October 1st (or 2nd or 3rd...) I'm rolling out a new menu of services as well as some important policies that need to implemented.

Am I out of the hole? Not nearly, but I'm out of the mental hole that I was burying myself in, and that is pretty important if I do say so myself.

Next step? Cleaning up my personal life. And no, don't expect a blog post about that part of my life. Vultures. ;)