Every night when I put my son to bed I sing him 4 or 5 lullabies from my childhood as part of our nighttime ritual. Besides inserting his name into every song I have made (what I feel to be) an extremely important modification to a line in "You are my Sunshine". Originally it says "you'll never know dear, how much I love you..." and I have changed the Never to Always. I spend every waking moment of my life loving my son more than air itself, and even at such a tender age, I know without a doubt, if I were to be struck dead tomorrow my son would have no question to the depth of love I have for him. And that's the way its supposed to be. If he didn't know that, it would be a failure on my part. Love is one of the most important gifts we have to offer, and we should NEVER be too afraid to let the ones that have it, know it.
Which brings me to another personal peeve of mine. Just because I helped you with your groceries doesn't mean you love me. Also, just because we had an instantaneous bond doesn't mean we need to call it love. I cannot stand people throwing around the L-word like it's a hanky. It makes me feel awkward when someone I truly enjoy (but do not have love-like emotions towards) say they love me. I'm not big on lying, but total honesty is rude, so I end up fumbling through the rest of the encounter. I do have people that have carved out special places in my heart, and I DO love them, and make attempts to appropriately tell them so when I can. I feel like anything else here would be me talking in circles so if I haven't made myself clear, sorry, it happens. ;)
Totally switching things up on you...
This weekend is one of my favorite parts of the year. Twice a year my mom helps throw what I lovingly refer to as "adult camp". She's been involved since before I could drive, and I think I've been helping since I was 14? 15? (Whenever I started, its the longest "job" I've ever held). It probably confuses people since I am very open about my lack of labeling my spiritual beliefs yet twice a year I serve food to those at a religious retreat, but it's a part of me. These people have known me most of my life and have actually watched me grow up, in a way that not a lot of people have, they're like extended family to me. Even though I personally have never participated in the event I feel connected to the leaders and feel a deep need for it to succeed. Heck, I recently went to a church service (I was visiting family) and I could tell there would be a compatibility between the class that leads up to the event and the teachings and I said so. This year has a bit of a twist, the responsibility of finding workers to help fell to me, so everyone on "my team" has personal ties to me which is not something I have experienced. It will make things easier I hope.
Aaand with that, I will end my ramblings for now. Until next time!
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