I’ve mentally written this about (7) different times at least, and I keep being scared to actually type the words. Which is stupid since this way too many people in my house is actually going better than I think anyone could have imagined.
The kids are thriving at their new schools and are starting to get used to having a steady routine for things, my mom is relearning how to be a parent and doing her best to make the right choices not the easy choices. They’re all actually doing really really good. I am immensely proud of the progress they’ve made and continue to make.
It hasn’t been all roses though. It was really hard at the very beginning, and I still have had less than (10) times alone in my house since they moved in. The worst was actually when I had to call the police to my home in the middle of the night.
The details of WHY aren’t important, but me standing in my pjs while (3) police officers recorded talking to me with both their body cameras and personal phone cameras, while wandering around my home and commenting their judgments on it will be burned in my brain. Having to beg them not to bring an ambulance to my house bc I legit was fine, was humiliating. Me making a joke about being a “my little pony” because of a scar on my neck looking like a heart will only ever be funny to me, and I get that.
I also um, you know, don’t trust the police, at all. And willing to have them come to my home TWICE in two weeks should give you an idea of how far things have come since then.
It actually breaks my heart a little. They were all stuck in a nasty cycle of pain begetting more pain, and all it took was physically moving them a few (ha) miles away and it’s like they’re completely different people.
Oh yeah. And my baby sister has been cut out of their lives completely. Of all the things I’ve been right about, this is the one thing I wish I would’ve been proven wrong about. Being right about the harm she was doing brings me zero joy. From what I understand, she’s lost the new batch of kids too. Which means my being a “cold bitch” keeping my distance from getting attached to them was also the right move since hopefully they’ll be given a fresh start somewhere healthy.
This year has been a doozy, and I have spent more time trying to keep my overstimulated self from losing it, but, strangely enough, I feel like the quiet good I’ve experienced this year has soothed so much of the bad to the point where the negative has already blurred into the background.
So uh, yeah, good job life?
The worst day of the year is coming up soon, and bc I’m still a giant ass coward when it comes to most things, I’m legit flying across the country to hide in a funny sounding city I’ve never been before, with a whole bunch of maybe plans (and a solid no from a friend I was hoping to have an excuse to see, but whatev).
I actually am fully expecting all of my maybe plans to fall through and to spend the day of avoidance completely alone, even though the reason I’m staying in a silly named town is bc I’m about (2) hours away each direction from my maybes and I was told I couldn’t go be alone on the actual day. That and New York (my original plan) is hella expensive and even cashing in miles and points I couldn’t afford to do anything except sleep and eat there. When I make it to New York for reals, Imma at least gonna afford some art museums n ferry tours.
My phone just made my current favorite alert, so I’m gonna go respond to that now, until next time!
