So I have this thing on my neck, it kinda looks like a welt except that it is purple and kinda moves....
KIDDING. Not that kind of growth.. ;)
So I'm sitting here at work, waiting for my gal to finish up her last appointment and I encountered a situation with a past client who INSISTED she waited so long to come in again to see me. She LOVED the last massage I gave her and she just HAD TO see me again. Guess what. She was booked with not me, but the other gal on staff. She insists that she made sure to book it with me and that the phone call she had (over a month ago by the by) specifically stated it would be with me.
Guess what. I don't do massages on Tuesdays, or usually Wednesdays for that matter. The only reason I happened to even be in the building when she walked in was because my other LMT had an early day and my Front Office Manager called out sick and I'm not a big fan of working alone in the dark. Originally, my plans for tonight involved taking my son to see Santa, so if today had gone how I had planned it yesterday, I wouldn't have been around when she got here.
She stared at me with big, begging eyes. I asked her if she wanted to keep her appointment or reschedule. She hem and hawwed, with a question on the tip of her tongue. I kept cutting my paper snowflakes, and purposely quoting Clerks because 1) I knew she wouldn't catch it and 2) Rarely do I get to insert movie lines into day to day conversations with strangers..
So where's the growth? I didn't answer the question she didn't ask. Well. Technically I totally answered it, just not the way she wanted me to. Rewind to her last visit and I totally would have offered to do the session for her (which would have been a jerk move to do to the person scheduled to do the session), OR I would have offered to comp it for her since there's a chance she won't like the session. I did neither. I was polite and stood my ground and if she had decided to reschedule she would have had to wait until next year when we re-open just like everybody else.
Boom. Growth.
::drops mic, walks away::
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Home is Where Again???
Depending on which cliche you subscribe to, home is either Where you hang your hat, lay your head, where your bed is, where your heart is, or someplace you can never go back to. (Did I miss any?)
Home for me just changed. Back in August my husband and I made a
decision that we both agreed would be best for our family, but it took a
bit longer to turn into fruition so we are now week 2 into something we
have been discussing doing for the last 4 months. Funny thing is, when
you talk about something for so long it's very easy to paint a specific
picture of how it will look and of course we go to the finished product.
Reality is more... complex than that. Change, no matter how good of a
thing it is, is messy and hard and stressful. Tensions get on edge and
then you end up snapping.
We both know we are making the right decision, but that doesn't change the fact that everything that has been one thing for almost the last decade of our lives is now a completely different thing. I've mentioned this in the past, I am a creature that thrives on the repetitive things in life and as of the 17th of this month nothing is the same anymore.
In this short time already I have learned things about myself, like how somewhere along the way I accidentally because a person afraid to make any sort of ::slightly:: major decision without someone else's input. "Should the desk go there or there? Ok. that's what I thought but I didn't want to be wrong." I lost my confidence and self assurance and those need to be the first things to come back. I have a long road ahead of me, and at least now I have a starting point.
I am: Terrified. Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Optimistic. Worried. At Peace. And a million other things right now. But the one thing I am most of all? I am at home in my own self. I see lots of internal redecorating in my future, but at least I know that for me at least, Home is where my hope is.
 | |||
| "borrowed" from www.dreamstime.com |
We both know we are making the right decision, but that doesn't change the fact that everything that has been one thing for almost the last decade of our lives is now a completely different thing. I've mentioned this in the past, I am a creature that thrives on the repetitive things in life and as of the 17th of this month nothing is the same anymore.
In this short time already I have learned things about myself, like how somewhere along the way I accidentally because a person afraid to make any sort of ::slightly:: major decision without someone else's input. "Should the desk go there or there? Ok. that's what I thought but I didn't want to be wrong." I lost my confidence and self assurance and those need to be the first things to come back. I have a long road ahead of me, and at least now I have a starting point.
I am: Terrified. Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Optimistic. Worried. At Peace. And a million other things right now. But the one thing I am most of all? I am at home in my own self. I see lots of internal redecorating in my future, but at least I know that for me at least, Home is where my hope is.
Monday, November 11, 2013
I like my skin, just not my options for decorating it..
So I'm on one of my world famous "I don't know how to take a vacations unless I'm more than 50 miles away from my office" and I'm really enjoying my time with my son. Yes, toddlers and offices are not the ::best:: mix around (especially since I'm really good at being single-minded), but my toddler and office are both pretty amazeballs so it works.
Anywho. I've been using some of my free time to see friends I usually don't get to see that often because of how scheduled down to the minute my life is, which is pretty awesome. BUT. (Of course there's a but, that's why I'm writing this at all..)
I know who I am as a person. I'm a weird, goofy, nerdball that likes to geek out to things that make me smile even if no one else around knows what I'm talking about. I know who I am as a business woman. I'm determined, friendly, organized and polite. In clearly defined situations I know exactly what is expected of me. In business meetings I dress like an adult and put in the extra effort to look put together. In casual social situations I can toss on my jeans and a tee and be good to go. But what happens when the lines get blurry?
When a friend and colleague recently had a birthday party I freaked out to pretty epic proportions about the dress code. I can do casual. I can do professional, but in those in betweens I'm either over or under dressed and I end up fidgeting the entire time. That party I ended up spending the evening wondering if I had too much boobage showing since I was in a social situation where people know me professionally. Yesterday I spent the morning with a friend I have known since elementary school, and we hung out the mall, BUT since I am so used to either living in my yoga pants on Sundays or having to be actually dressed to see someone I was at a loss for what to wear.
I have NEVER known how to put clothes on. (Not literally. Usually) I have always been a jeans and tee gal and when I entered the work force I HATED my uniforms that were required of me, but now I kinda need them. Luckily since I'm the boss I got to create a uniform that allows jeans and tees (just monogrammed with the company logo), but when it comes to the outside world if my jeans aren't ok I'm at a loss. (And as yesterday showed me, sometimes even when they are)
I guess I should have some super encouraging saying here about not caring what people think or something, but that's a lie. We all care, at least a little. It's like cleaning your house before someone comes over. We want people to like us and we're afraid if we leave our pile of mail out or forget to load the dishes out of the sink that somehow that makes us less likable. Only in my case, I feel like I'm wearing my pile of mail when I leave my house.
Ah well. No one said self discovery was fun, but I can't change the things I don't like if I keep pretending they don't exist..
Until next time!
Anywho. I've been using some of my free time to see friends I usually don't get to see that often because of how scheduled down to the minute my life is, which is pretty awesome. BUT. (Of course there's a but, that's why I'm writing this at all..)
I know who I am as a person. I'm a weird, goofy, nerdball that likes to geek out to things that make me smile even if no one else around knows what I'm talking about. I know who I am as a business woman. I'm determined, friendly, organized and polite. In clearly defined situations I know exactly what is expected of me. In business meetings I dress like an adult and put in the extra effort to look put together. In casual social situations I can toss on my jeans and a tee and be good to go. But what happens when the lines get blurry?
When a friend and colleague recently had a birthday party I freaked out to pretty epic proportions about the dress code. I can do casual. I can do professional, but in those in betweens I'm either over or under dressed and I end up fidgeting the entire time. That party I ended up spending the evening wondering if I had too much boobage showing since I was in a social situation where people know me professionally. Yesterday I spent the morning with a friend I have known since elementary school, and we hung out the mall, BUT since I am so used to either living in my yoga pants on Sundays or having to be actually dressed to see someone I was at a loss for what to wear.
I have NEVER known how to put clothes on. (Not literally. Usually) I have always been a jeans and tee gal and when I entered the work force I HATED my uniforms that were required of me, but now I kinda need them. Luckily since I'm the boss I got to create a uniform that allows jeans and tees (just monogrammed with the company logo), but when it comes to the outside world if my jeans aren't ok I'm at a loss. (And as yesterday showed me, sometimes even when they are)
I guess I should have some super encouraging saying here about not caring what people think or something, but that's a lie. We all care, at least a little. It's like cleaning your house before someone comes over. We want people to like us and we're afraid if we leave our pile of mail out or forget to load the dishes out of the sink that somehow that makes us less likable. Only in my case, I feel like I'm wearing my pile of mail when I leave my house.
Ah well. No one said self discovery was fun, but I can't change the things I don't like if I keep pretending they don't exist..
Until next time!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
When all you're looking for is one big win.....
So, I've been all sorts of in a funk for conservatively guessing, 2 months. Summer was hectic, people were yelling (at me, a lot) and I started to doubt myself. Asking myself questions about my goals and dreams and generally wondering if I wasn't a huge idiot for thinking I was special enough to be going after such lofty goals. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel, but I constantly felt like I was just slamming my head into a cement wall all day everyday with no results. Bad analogy, since is there ever a point of slamming your head into a cement wall? But whatev. My point remains. Frustrated, angry, grumpy, and EXTRA snarky was my MO. (Scary I know, since my natural snark level is pretty high)
Anywho. Earlier this week the washer at work "broke". I'm going to say the solution was one part hole in the wall that needed patching, one part too much laundry soap in the machine. ;) Yesterday the machine was supposed to be fixed at 7 am so I didn't take home laundry, just to be told first that it would be fixed by 1pm, then this morning. If you don't know what I do for a living, I'm a Massage Therapist. Which means laundry is the second or third most important part of my job. Before I even had a chance to think about how that effected my day, one of my LMTs asked if I would like it if she took home some laundry and dropped it off on her way to her other job.
BOOM! Just like a 2x4 it hit me. (Sorry, I'm really off my game in metaphors tonight). Here I am stressing out, begging for a win, and I already had it. Yes. It's been a slow couple of months, and yes I am behind in work bills. BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY I have three amazing, dedicated people show up for work because they don't think I'm a spaz. Ok. So they probably do, but they believe in me, and what I'm working for and that is the biggest win I could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, and my new fear is not being able to adequately express my appreciation for their existence.
Same day I got an email from Erica with Redhead Writing with a blog from a guest writer. It all spoke to me, but this one sentence really slammed the win into my brain:
"Maybe you’re struggling, too....
Now this doesn't mean that I don't have to "Stop the Bleeding" as someone recently said to me, but I'm getting that done and come October 1st (or 2nd or 3rd...) I'm rolling out a new menu of services as well as some important policies that need to implemented.
Am I out of the hole? Not nearly, but I'm out of the mental hole that I was burying myself in, and that is pretty important if I do say so myself.
Next step? Cleaning up my personal life. And no, don't expect a blog post about that part of my life. Vultures. ;)
Anywho. Earlier this week the washer at work "broke". I'm going to say the solution was one part hole in the wall that needed patching, one part too much laundry soap in the machine. ;) Yesterday the machine was supposed to be fixed at 7 am so I didn't take home laundry, just to be told first that it would be fixed by 1pm, then this morning. If you don't know what I do for a living, I'm a Massage Therapist. Which means laundry is the second or third most important part of my job. Before I even had a chance to think about how that effected my day, one of my LMTs asked if I would like it if she took home some laundry and dropped it off on her way to her other job.
BOOM! Just like a 2x4 it hit me. (Sorry, I'm really off my game in metaphors tonight). Here I am stressing out, begging for a win, and I already had it. Yes. It's been a slow couple of months, and yes I am behind in work bills. BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY I have three amazing, dedicated people show up for work because they don't think I'm a spaz. Ok. So they probably do, but they believe in me, and what I'm working for and that is the biggest win I could ever ask for. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, and my new fear is not being able to adequately express my appreciation for their existence.
Same day I got an email from Erica with Redhead Writing with a blog from a guest writer. It all spoke to me, but this one sentence really slammed the win into my brain:
"Maybe you’re struggling, too....
- But why is your self-worth tied to money?"
Now this doesn't mean that I don't have to "Stop the Bleeding" as someone recently said to me, but I'm getting that done and come October 1st (or 2nd or 3rd...) I'm rolling out a new menu of services as well as some important policies that need to implemented.
Am I out of the hole? Not nearly, but I'm out of the mental hole that I was burying myself in, and that is pretty important if I do say so myself.
Next step? Cleaning up my personal life. And no, don't expect a blog post about that part of my life. Vultures. ;)
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Ch-ch-ch-Changes....
I moved into my current abode right before my son turned one. He turned three back in May, and this has been the longest I've ever stayed in one place since I left my mom's right before my 18th birthday. I've loved it here, hated it here and everything in between.
In approximately 6 or so weeks I'm moving again. Just down the street, closer to work if I get my way, and I am SO excited/terrified. This move represents the start of a whole new chapter of my life, and I am a creature of habit. No matter how right of a call this is, I have to let go of every current habit I have and form new ones. (Maybe even learn how to be a little less set in my ways, and more flexible..)
I knew this year would bring me places I couldn't even imagine, and I don't think anyone could have guessed the swervy path its taken.
The worst part of moving? Packing. The best? Unpacking. :) (At least for me)
So this is short n sweet, if you prefer my longer posts blame my exhausting week, and if you like this shortness thank the same.
Until next time!
In approximately 6 or so weeks I'm moving again. Just down the street, closer to work if I get my way, and I am SO excited/terrified. This move represents the start of a whole new chapter of my life, and I am a creature of habit. No matter how right of a call this is, I have to let go of every current habit I have and form new ones. (Maybe even learn how to be a little less set in my ways, and more flexible..)
I knew this year would bring me places I couldn't even imagine, and I don't think anyone could have guessed the swervy path its taken.
The worst part of moving? Packing. The best? Unpacking. :) (At least for me)
So this is short n sweet, if you prefer my longer posts blame my exhausting week, and if you like this shortness thank the same.
Until next time!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I'm Not Dead!!!!!
So, I'm a busy gal, and I have a post hanging out in my drafts that I started while on vacation (that happened middle of July); then worked on some more 2 weeks afterwards and then fell asleep while writing it. I think the universe was telling me not to post it so I'm keeping it a draft. It's SUPER witty though, and I totally give one of my sisters and one of my besties crap for both living so close to the beach and never going. Part of its problem I think is there's too much back story needed for it to make sense so if you don't know me very well it would make your head spin.
Anywho. Hello again, dear anonymous eyes. Summertime is almost over, but since I live in Az its still hot as ever and its still "summer" until Halloween. Summer has been crazy busy at work and I'm looking forward to things slowing down a bit so I can catch my breath. I had some goals I set for my business at the beginning of the year and because of some hiccups I'm starting to wonder how far I get to go before 2012 shuts down. I'm super lucky to be working with the people I'm working with and we're digging in trying to undo the impossible. I do my damndest to make sure they know how much I appreciate them, but sometimes I think when I'm hard on myself it feels like I'm being hard on them.
OH! Potty training is amazeballs. I was a pet owner for YEARS, but being a parent means that the older the kiddo gets the less poop you have to touch. Don't get all squeemy on me, cat person, dog person, any pet other than fish, you're touching poop. Score like 50 points for parenting versus petarenting. (Yes. I made up a word. Deal with it.)
Well, I guess since I'm NOT sharing my analogy on dealing with life using the different ways to body surf as examples I'm just going to close this out and maybe read or get my Who on, but I will at least try to sleep.. Until next time!
Anywho. Hello again, dear anonymous eyes. Summertime is almost over, but since I live in Az its still hot as ever and its still "summer" until Halloween. Summer has been crazy busy at work and I'm looking forward to things slowing down a bit so I can catch my breath. I had some goals I set for my business at the beginning of the year and because of some hiccups I'm starting to wonder how far I get to go before 2012 shuts down. I'm super lucky to be working with the people I'm working with and we're digging in trying to undo the impossible. I do my damndest to make sure they know how much I appreciate them, but sometimes I think when I'm hard on myself it feels like I'm being hard on them.
OH! Potty training is amazeballs. I was a pet owner for YEARS, but being a parent means that the older the kiddo gets the less poop you have to touch. Don't get all squeemy on me, cat person, dog person, any pet other than fish, you're touching poop. Score like 50 points for parenting versus petarenting. (Yes. I made up a word. Deal with it.)
Well, I guess since I'm NOT sharing my analogy on dealing with life using the different ways to body surf as examples I'm just going to close this out and maybe read or get my Who on, but I will at least try to sleep.. Until next time!
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Tough Skinned.
So according to my stats page I was due for this about 2 days ago, since that's when eyes starting popping back to see if there's anything new. Don't worry, unless you actually click the "follow" button your eyes stay anonymous and all I get is a visitor counter, and even then, until someone clicks on it I won't know for sure what happens, for all I know you stay anonymous.. ;)
I'm not quite sure where this one is going, I've had a few different thoughts the last handful of days but my brain frequently empties itself for new information so who knows what's going to happen here.
I follow a famous blogger who at least in the public eye is completely hardcore awesome. All sorts of honest and strong and tough. She's kinda become my current hero, as she just seems to be sharing things I need to hear, right when I need it. Kinda like a really accurate horoscope minus all the woo-woo shiet. She introduced me to a singer named Robin Thicke, apparently he's been around a while, but was recently re-branded. He's all soulful (and delish) so I've been listening to a lot of that bluesy, soul bearing music recently. It's awesome except when I get all goopy over nothing so I think I need to get back to my normal genres.. Once of course Pandora plays the song I requested (Day 4, still no luck).
So, I know a gal, younger than me and cute as a freaking button. Small framed, soft voiced and very... dainty looking. I'm afraid of broaching certain subjects around her because I don't want to offend her sensibilities, and I am NOT the only one. She has master the "needs protection" look and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even realize it. From what I know, she has a nice bubble of protection from her family and loved ones.
Looking at me, no one has ever had the "needs protection" feels, and I've never given reason for that. I have 6 siblings on one side of my family and I'm the oldest so they used to dogpile on me. I'm a bit stubborn so I would end up winning. In High School, a group of girls and myself "Powder Puff" fought and again, I won. (PP fighting was an all out free for all where we weren't allow to leave marks, especially not on places that clothes wouldn't cover, it was all in fun and just as an outlet). Most recently, I performed a removal of a wisdom tooth. On myself. So my mental fortitude is on the strong side of things yeah? No one has ever had the urge to come to my rescue, or if they did they fought it, because honestly even if I needed it, I would have had a hard time taking it.
For as much as I talk, I'm not a big sharer, growing up my mom had this need to tell every single new friend every single crap thing that happened to us to garner their respect and pity for her strength and struggles respectably. All my dirty little secrets just tossed out to complete strangers. My entire life I have been the subject of SO MUCH gossip I can't stand it. I don't want your pity and I don't want to be looked at as some broken thing. If you know things that means I trust you to keep it to yourself and not change your opinion of me.
Contradictory right? I'm totally jealous of a gal who gets to keep her softness when I'm the one who killed it in myself.
Thing is, I don't NEED to be protected and put in a bubble, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice for someone to succeed in putting me in one anyways, ya know? Heck, I probably would try to pop the darn thing, but that's just how I roll.. ;)
I'm not quite sure where this one is going, I've had a few different thoughts the last handful of days but my brain frequently empties itself for new information so who knows what's going to happen here.
I follow a famous blogger who at least in the public eye is completely hardcore awesome. All sorts of honest and strong and tough. She's kinda become my current hero, as she just seems to be sharing things I need to hear, right when I need it. Kinda like a really accurate horoscope minus all the woo-woo shiet. She introduced me to a singer named Robin Thicke, apparently he's been around a while, but was recently re-branded. He's all soulful (and delish) so I've been listening to a lot of that bluesy, soul bearing music recently. It's awesome except when I get all goopy over nothing so I think I need to get back to my normal genres.. Once of course Pandora plays the song I requested (Day 4, still no luck).
So, I know a gal, younger than me and cute as a freaking button. Small framed, soft voiced and very... dainty looking. I'm afraid of broaching certain subjects around her because I don't want to offend her sensibilities, and I am NOT the only one. She has master the "needs protection" look and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even realize it. From what I know, she has a nice bubble of protection from her family and loved ones.
Looking at me, no one has ever had the "needs protection" feels, and I've never given reason for that. I have 6 siblings on one side of my family and I'm the oldest so they used to dogpile on me. I'm a bit stubborn so I would end up winning. In High School, a group of girls and myself "Powder Puff" fought and again, I won. (PP fighting was an all out free for all where we weren't allow to leave marks, especially not on places that clothes wouldn't cover, it was all in fun and just as an outlet). Most recently, I performed a removal of a wisdom tooth. On myself. So my mental fortitude is on the strong side of things yeah? No one has ever had the urge to come to my rescue, or if they did they fought it, because honestly even if I needed it, I would have had a hard time taking it.
For as much as I talk, I'm not a big sharer, growing up my mom had this need to tell every single new friend every single crap thing that happened to us to garner their respect and pity for her strength and struggles respectably. All my dirty little secrets just tossed out to complete strangers. My entire life I have been the subject of SO MUCH gossip I can't stand it. I don't want your pity and I don't want to be looked at as some broken thing. If you know things that means I trust you to keep it to yourself and not change your opinion of me.
Contradictory right? I'm totally jealous of a gal who gets to keep her softness when I'm the one who killed it in myself.
Thing is, I don't NEED to be protected and put in a bubble, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice for someone to succeed in putting me in one anyways, ya know? Heck, I probably would try to pop the darn thing, but that's just how I roll.. ;)
Saturday, June 8, 2013
You know what really grinds my gears????
I realize I'm not due for another one of these for a couple of weeks, but I was made aware of a situation that got my little brain bubbling with anger. I've decided to not tell you flat out before my little example story, but those of you that are clever might get it early on anyways...
I am, DEATHLY allergic to all nuts and all seafood products. We've experimented with Worcester Sauce (accidentally) and determined that it's quantities of anchovies are so low that it makes me queesy without me knocking on death's door. (Obvs I'm not going to start drinking it like water, but it's good to know).
Once I was walking in the mall with my mom and some Fabio wanna-be accosted me with his "all natural" lotion rubbing it on my hand without my permission. Since almond oil is in fact natural he was right, but I seriously enjoyed showing him my immediately swelled up hand and informing him that you don't just slap random products on random people.
Another time I went for a massage and specifically asked for their hypo-allergenic lotion since the lotion they used had (you guessed it!!) almond oil in it. My therapist knew better than me and ignored my request and by the end of the massage I was a giant hive. Driving home was one of the scariest moments I have ever had since I had never before been exposed to my allergen at such a high dose, and from the outside instead of being digested. My brain was all cloudy and I remember getting home and drinking an entire bottle of Benadryl, passing out and sleeping the next 24 hours of my life away.
And to illustrate an example of my seafood allergy, I once had a sleepover at a friends where they made eggs and fish for breakfast. I didn't know that was a thing and ended up eating one of the most delicious plates of death EVER. Apparently I missed it when she announced what she was making so I had to deal with the consequences of devouring a plate of death. (Swelling tongue, loss of oxygen, throat closing up... all sorts of fun stuff) (I don't know what I'd do without Benadryl, seriously.)
So, seriously allergic, bad things happen when I interact with either of them. Guess what my son's favorite food is. Peanut butter. Same with the hubs. Whenever I want to get a small treat I get them some peanut butter candy to share. Sure I can't be around for a while, but it gives them joy and who am I to deprive them of their joy because I can't share in it? That would make me a shietty person.
Same thing when I go to a restaurant, I don't hassle people at other tables because they ordered food I can't touch. Hell, I'm even responsible for picking menu options for people on a regular basis and the crowd favorite is the Salmon. I just make sure there's a non-deadly option for me each week.
So I lied. I decided in the middle of typing this that you don't get to know what particular instance of closed minded bigotry made me angry. There's too many of them out there, and I would hate to pinhole this and it miss it's aim.
Bottom line: If I can be perfectly fine being in situations surrounded by things that could quite literally KILL ME, you can put on your big girl (or boy) pants and deal with situations that you don't like, but have absolutely ZERO effect on your life other than making you squirm.
Grow up. Intolerance is SO last season.. ;)
I am, DEATHLY allergic to all nuts and all seafood products. We've experimented with Worcester Sauce (accidentally) and determined that it's quantities of anchovies are so low that it makes me queesy without me knocking on death's door. (Obvs I'm not going to start drinking it like water, but it's good to know).
Once I was walking in the mall with my mom and some Fabio wanna-be accosted me with his "all natural" lotion rubbing it on my hand without my permission. Since almond oil is in fact natural he was right, but I seriously enjoyed showing him my immediately swelled up hand and informing him that you don't just slap random products on random people.
Another time I went for a massage and specifically asked for their hypo-allergenic lotion since the lotion they used had (you guessed it!!) almond oil in it. My therapist knew better than me and ignored my request and by the end of the massage I was a giant hive. Driving home was one of the scariest moments I have ever had since I had never before been exposed to my allergen at such a high dose, and from the outside instead of being digested. My brain was all cloudy and I remember getting home and drinking an entire bottle of Benadryl, passing out and sleeping the next 24 hours of my life away.
And to illustrate an example of my seafood allergy, I once had a sleepover at a friends where they made eggs and fish for breakfast. I didn't know that was a thing and ended up eating one of the most delicious plates of death EVER. Apparently I missed it when she announced what she was making so I had to deal with the consequences of devouring a plate of death. (Swelling tongue, loss of oxygen, throat closing up... all sorts of fun stuff) (I don't know what I'd do without Benadryl, seriously.)
So, seriously allergic, bad things happen when I interact with either of them. Guess what my son's favorite food is. Peanut butter. Same with the hubs. Whenever I want to get a small treat I get them some peanut butter candy to share. Sure I can't be around for a while, but it gives them joy and who am I to deprive them of their joy because I can't share in it? That would make me a shietty person.
Same thing when I go to a restaurant, I don't hassle people at other tables because they ordered food I can't touch. Hell, I'm even responsible for picking menu options for people on a regular basis and the crowd favorite is the Salmon. I just make sure there's a non-deadly option for me each week.
So I lied. I decided in the middle of typing this that you don't get to know what particular instance of closed minded bigotry made me angry. There's too many of them out there, and I would hate to pinhole this and it miss it's aim.
Bottom line: If I can be perfectly fine being in situations surrounded by things that could quite literally KILL ME, you can put on your big girl (or boy) pants and deal with situations that you don't like, but have absolutely ZERO effect on your life other than making you squirm.
Grow up. Intolerance is SO last season.. ;)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Just Another Manic Monday...... (Or you know.. Tuesday... Whatever.)
So I had every intention of writing this yesterday and I was SOOOO proud of myself for yet another clever title to tie into my latest dose of word vomit, and it didn't happen. Less clever today, but I spent too much time trying to name this to come up with another one. Deal with it. ;)
In the last handful of weeks I have had way to many conversations with people chastising me for being a workaholic, and it's really starting to piss me off, for a multitude of reasons. First off, what people are so quick to toss aside as "working too hard/too much" wouldn't even be an issue if I was a man. If I was a guy striving for the things I'm striving for no one would bat an eye, some might even ask if I was putting enough of myself into this venture, but because I'm a woman, it's too much. Can you guess my response to those people? Let me give you a hint, I don't even need to use my sign language knowledge to convey my feelings.. ;)
Now that we got the gender bias out of the way, lets get to the meat. I am a mother of the most amazing 3 year old little boy that has ever walked the earth. He is the most important thing to me and I want to make sure he grows up without thinking his needs are actually wants.
I grew up on the super poor side of things, wearing shoes that didn't fit because I only got 2 "new" pairs a year, always afraid to show my mom things I thought were cool because I didn't want her to feel guilty she couldn't buy them, and basically teaching myself not to want anything, even those things that I needed.
That is not happening for my son. Now, I am not going to go to the opposite extreme and drop money for any and everything he wants, but as a parent, if he wants a soda or milk at the store, assuming he's been good I should be able to say yes, not try to figure out if that puts me over my budget. And we're already teaching him the value of a dollar, I recently got him a piggy bank that he fills with behavior and potty use coins. He's already emptied it once and bought a Hiro and James trains for his wooden train set. He's saving up for the Steamworks right now.
I'm in business for myself. I know that one day I will not be able to do the work I do, and I do NOT want to have to start over at 40 so I am working hard now. My son is 3, and I get precious time with him in the mornings and evenings of everyday, and we even have a designated "mommie day" where all we do is spend time together, me and him. Yes, I'm not home for lunch, nap time and sometimes dinner, but I spend time with him everyday and he knows just how much I love him. When he's 5,6, 7 and older, my business will be bigger and need less of me and when that time comes I will have the freedom to be there for all the games, recitals, plays and whatever else he comes up with to do. But for now, I will give up nap time so he can have the life he deserves.
Folks may mean it as an insult when they call me a workaholic, but all I hear is "Wow, you sure are working hard for something, do you know what it is?" The answer is an emphatic YES.
Also, total side note, I started a second blog to help me write out some of my crazy. It's linked to my profile if you care. It won't be as frequent as this one, but it'll be much more important when I gather the courage to write there..
In the last handful of weeks I have had way to many conversations with people chastising me for being a workaholic, and it's really starting to piss me off, for a multitude of reasons. First off, what people are so quick to toss aside as "working too hard/too much" wouldn't even be an issue if I was a man. If I was a guy striving for the things I'm striving for no one would bat an eye, some might even ask if I was putting enough of myself into this venture, but because I'm a woman, it's too much. Can you guess my response to those people? Let me give you a hint, I don't even need to use my sign language knowledge to convey my feelings.. ;)
Now that we got the gender bias out of the way, lets get to the meat. I am a mother of the most amazing 3 year old little boy that has ever walked the earth. He is the most important thing to me and I want to make sure he grows up without thinking his needs are actually wants.
I grew up on the super poor side of things, wearing shoes that didn't fit because I only got 2 "new" pairs a year, always afraid to show my mom things I thought were cool because I didn't want her to feel guilty she couldn't buy them, and basically teaching myself not to want anything, even those things that I needed.
That is not happening for my son. Now, I am not going to go to the opposite extreme and drop money for any and everything he wants, but as a parent, if he wants a soda or milk at the store, assuming he's been good I should be able to say yes, not try to figure out if that puts me over my budget. And we're already teaching him the value of a dollar, I recently got him a piggy bank that he fills with behavior and potty use coins. He's already emptied it once and bought a Hiro and James trains for his wooden train set. He's saving up for the Steamworks right now.
I'm in business for myself. I know that one day I will not be able to do the work I do, and I do NOT want to have to start over at 40 so I am working hard now. My son is 3, and I get precious time with him in the mornings and evenings of everyday, and we even have a designated "mommie day" where all we do is spend time together, me and him. Yes, I'm not home for lunch, nap time and sometimes dinner, but I spend time with him everyday and he knows just how much I love him. When he's 5,6, 7 and older, my business will be bigger and need less of me and when that time comes I will have the freedom to be there for all the games, recitals, plays and whatever else he comes up with to do. But for now, I will give up nap time so he can have the life he deserves.
Folks may mean it as an insult when they call me a workaholic, but all I hear is "Wow, you sure are working hard for something, do you know what it is?" The answer is an emphatic YES.
Also, total side note, I started a second blog to help me write out some of my crazy. It's linked to my profile if you care. It won't be as frequent as this one, but it'll be much more important when I gather the courage to write there..
Friday, May 17, 2013
All in the life....
For the last 40ish minutes I have been curled up next to my son's toddler bed, legs cramped underneath his mattress, my weight being split between my bad wrist and my bad hip cuddling him back to sleep since he had a nightmare.
Do I feel like a flipping pretzel? Yes. Will I do it every single night for the next year if he needs me to? You bet your sweet arse I will.
That's the thing no one ever really talks about when you become a parent, how all of the sudden every single decision, as minuet as what kind of milk you buy to as major as where you live, and how long you stay at work, all revolves around this small (then not so small) life.
I come across all sorts of people, and it really strikes me to see people with kiddos that treat their kids like fashion accessories or even worse, burdens. Those people are always looking for someone to pawn off their kids to anyone willing, and using their kids as an excuse for leading a crappy life. If anything, having a kid should inspire you towards a better life, not keep you stagnant.
Bottom line? If you have a kid (or children) and its not the greatest thing that has EVER happened to you, you're doing it wrong.
Now, to end on a COMPLETELY different tangent... I hate that my condo's landscapers blow all their dirt and trash onto my patio, every. single. week. Ugh.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Comes with the territory... Doesn't mean it's ok....
** DISCLAIMER: EXPECT MORE VULGARITY THAN I USUALLY USE**
So, in my line of work there's the occasional arse who assumes I went to school and received an education just to give them a hand job. I understand that there are people that live with their heads up said arse, and usually I can laugh it off and make them feel dumb for even suggesting it. Usually. I have some pretty hilarious stories that I won't go into here, mainly because they will take away from my point.
Friday I had someone actually grab me and try to physically move my hand. He thought that for $10 (the cost of a deep tissue upgrade) he could take me by my arm and make me touch his junk. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm very proud of myself, because I whipped my arm free and pinned his arm while I quickly finished his arm, moved to the next (and kept it pinned down obviously), touched his neck for all of 5 seconds and ended the session about 7 minutes early. I managed to keep my professionalism and calm, took his money and looking him right in the eye told him to have a nice day.
In my place you might have done different, maybe you would have called the cops or slapped him or... Whatever. In the moment I did what I felt was right and what I felt I could live with. He left, and I went on with my next client. I even mentioned it to a couple of people, but it didn't really hit me until yesterday.
Yes, I am DEEPLY offended, but more than that, I'm worried. I have been in this business 4 years, longer than the time it takes for the average person to get injured, short enough to not be comfortable calling myself an expert. Said person had been on my table once before and I thought him odd, but blamed it on the cultural differences and the fact I was having an off day. Since Friday I have seen 10 clients, and all but 3 of them were regulars. Only 2 of them I didn't question their motives and that's mainly because they both have been seeing me for over 2 years and if they thought I was a hooker, they would've done something LONG before now.
I'm a tough cookie, and I can handle random douchebaggery, but I have people that work for me, that it's my job to bring them clients and keep them safe.
Bleh.
So, I have no solution, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
So, in my line of work there's the occasional arse who assumes I went to school and received an education just to give them a hand job. I understand that there are people that live with their heads up said arse, and usually I can laugh it off and make them feel dumb for even suggesting it. Usually. I have some pretty hilarious stories that I won't go into here, mainly because they will take away from my point.
Friday I had someone actually grab me and try to physically move my hand. He thought that for $10 (the cost of a deep tissue upgrade) he could take me by my arm and make me touch his junk. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm very proud of myself, because I whipped my arm free and pinned his arm while I quickly finished his arm, moved to the next (and kept it pinned down obviously), touched his neck for all of 5 seconds and ended the session about 7 minutes early. I managed to keep my professionalism and calm, took his money and looking him right in the eye told him to have a nice day.
In my place you might have done different, maybe you would have called the cops or slapped him or... Whatever. In the moment I did what I felt was right and what I felt I could live with. He left, and I went on with my next client. I even mentioned it to a couple of people, but it didn't really hit me until yesterday.
Yes, I am DEEPLY offended, but more than that, I'm worried. I have been in this business 4 years, longer than the time it takes for the average person to get injured, short enough to not be comfortable calling myself an expert. Said person had been on my table once before and I thought him odd, but blamed it on the cultural differences and the fact I was having an off day. Since Friday I have seen 10 clients, and all but 3 of them were regulars. Only 2 of them I didn't question their motives and that's mainly because they both have been seeing me for over 2 years and if they thought I was a hooker, they would've done something LONG before now.
I'm a tough cookie, and I can handle random douchebaggery, but I have people that work for me, that it's my job to bring them clients and keep them safe.
Bleh.
So, I have no solution, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Creature Feature....
I. Am... A Starbucks whore. There I said it. Have some bad news to tell me? Soften the blow with a Caramel Frapp. Good news? Punctuate it with the same. Early morning or late night? Sounds like a good reason to go get my Starbucks on.
More than that though, I am very much a creature of habit. When I go get my coffee, I go to a specific shop and I order it a specific way and I take a very specific driving path to and from said shop. I do that with everything. I have 2 paths to and from work that are only slightly different from each other with respects to traffic patterns. I hate being a passenger to any of the places I usually take myself because I cannot stand the variation it brings when I go "not my way". OCD? Probably. I like to call it Extreme Bossiness though. ;)
So this morning I had a couple of cancellations and instead of filling them I decided to be productive. Unless you call a bit of self analyzing productive (which I do, just not work productive) I failed. I had an awesome T/W of being able to cross everything off my to-do list so I didn't feel the immense pressure I usually feel to "catch up" so I decided to treat myself to breakfast. NOT at Starbucks. I decided to go to Einstein Bagel. Yes it was only like half a block away from my usual coffee shop and not even 500 feet from my back up coffee shop, but still, variety. (Also, yes, I have a backup coffee shop, don't poke fun at my crazy.)
I'm doing this whole decide the things I like about my life and ditch the rest process and as much as I enjoy the comfort of my systems, I don't really like the crazy I feel when I deviate. Today was a nice change, and yes it would have been extremely easy to go to Starbucks and get my frapp, but by going somewhere else I ended up having a fantastic breakfast and a non-caramel coffee that was also amazing.
These next handful of months are going to be bringing some MASSIVE changes into every aspect of my life, and I'm nervously excited. Giddy almost. I'm starting this whole process as a caterpillar and I don't see the end result being a beautiful butterfly, but a moth with some kick@ss wing designs? Hopefully.
More than that though, I am very much a creature of habit. When I go get my coffee, I go to a specific shop and I order it a specific way and I take a very specific driving path to and from said shop. I do that with everything. I have 2 paths to and from work that are only slightly different from each other with respects to traffic patterns. I hate being a passenger to any of the places I usually take myself because I cannot stand the variation it brings when I go "not my way". OCD? Probably. I like to call it Extreme Bossiness though. ;)
So this morning I had a couple of cancellations and instead of filling them I decided to be productive. Unless you call a bit of self analyzing productive (which I do, just not work productive) I failed. I had an awesome T/W of being able to cross everything off my to-do list so I didn't feel the immense pressure I usually feel to "catch up" so I decided to treat myself to breakfast. NOT at Starbucks. I decided to go to Einstein Bagel. Yes it was only like half a block away from my usual coffee shop and not even 500 feet from my back up coffee shop, but still, variety. (Also, yes, I have a backup coffee shop, don't poke fun at my crazy.)
I'm doing this whole decide the things I like about my life and ditch the rest process and as much as I enjoy the comfort of my systems, I don't really like the crazy I feel when I deviate. Today was a nice change, and yes it would have been extremely easy to go to Starbucks and get my frapp, but by going somewhere else I ended up having a fantastic breakfast and a non-caramel coffee that was also amazing.
These next handful of months are going to be bringing some MASSIVE changes into every aspect of my life, and I'm nervously excited. Giddy almost. I'm starting this whole process as a caterpillar and I don't see the end result being a beautiful butterfly, but a moth with some kick@ss wing designs? Hopefully.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Vroom! Vroom!
Back when I named this here dealy-blog I thought Life at the Speed of Crazy was a pretty appropriate title, since I feel like the words "running around like a chicken with my head cut off" leaves my mouth more often than any others to describe my life. With that being said, I've been busy, too busy to sit down and ramble at you, dear anonymous eyes, and for that I half-heartedly apologize. ;)
Since I last was here and went all goopy on you, I have fought with my taxes for 2012 (all prepped, just need to be filed BUT I sent out 1099s to those that need them), oversold a massage deal that has me squishing in people into my schedule that there's not really room for, celebrated 4 years with the hubs, and given a meaningless at the time, no longer meaningless title of Building (or Office) Manager. With my title I've done all of two things; help a new tenant be aware of silly, expensive CoS licensing and turned on a Water Heater. Out of the two, figuring out the Water Heater is the bigger win for me. (Mostly because I've been dealing with CoS for years and I'm not allowed to play with toolboxes for everyone's safety)
I've also been learning a lot. I'm talking to lots of people who have beem running businesses longer than I've been driving, taking classes, and wanna know the most important thing I've learned so far? I have a LOT more to learn. I'm not a list person, I actually have a strong dislike of them, BUT in running a business with multiple people involved I'm starting to understand that if I keep everything bouncing around in my head things tend to bounce out and never come back....
This past weekend I went up (down) to Tuscon to see Wicked the Musical and it was a dream come true. I LOVE Gregory McGuire's writing and seeing it in musical form was some sort of magical... Yes it got diluted down and made accessible to the masses (and given a cheese-ball happy ending), but I don't think that took too much away from the original telling, if anything, people that didn't read the book will go home and read it and have their minds blown away. If you're not aware, Wicked is a pretty deep story with many levels of depth, and the musical was really only able to focus on one. Still. Amaze.
Next trip? Disneyland with my Monkey. He loves two things - trains and Mickey Mouse so we are doing birthday number 3 in the Happiest Place on Earth. Unfortunately, since I can't top Disneyland for birthday number 4, I'm planning on telling him that once you turn 3 you're all out of birthday celebrations... ;)
Well, I'm all out of ramble, so until next time!!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Dreams...
I went to a seminar early this week that said blog posts should only be between 300-400 words TOTAL. So not ever happening here.. ;)
Anywho, When I was growing up, I dreamt of moving back to LA, living off Ramen and being a famous writer/photographer. In reality, I spent the majority of my senior year of HS in one of the most dysfunctional relationships known to man and I forgot to apply to any colleges. The only part of that dream that came true was the over abundance of Top Ramen in my late teens/early 20's. To this day I can't touch the stuff.
After HS, I dreamt of being THE boss of something, anything. At one point I was trying to become a Retail Store Manager for a toy company that no longer exists. I spent 5 years with them to be denied raises and promotions because I was an unmarried female and that made me too unstable to promote. I watched a good handful of men trained by me get the promotions I was seeking. (Bastards)
In massage school we were given an assignment where we were to create Vision Boards of what we want our futures to look like. I ransom note styled my dreams of a 4 day work week, college funds for any children I might have (I was barely even engaged so this was Pre-Aydan), and this amazing community center like day spa that I could still very easily spend at least an entire hour talking about.
After Monkey was born, I almost gave up. Pregnancy ran such a number on me, I was ready to just go back to running a register or being someone's over qualified secretary.
I don't know why, but one day I did start applying for jobs that I did actually want, and I ended up landing a pretty great massage job that kept me relatively happy for over a year. While I was there, I worked a few other places as well, AND on my own business again. Before Aydan I was pouring my heart and soul into someone else's dream, and I was making an average of $600/week, but I felt unfulfilled.
Now here I am. January 2013. Officially solely self employed for the 3rd year. 2 rooms, 2 other LMTs and a PT receptionist under my lead. An expansion in my building that's leading me towards managing an entire building.
And in my personal life, for the first time ever, I have a group of people in my life that I can count on for support. Not just one or two people, but an actual gaggle! The people that I can count on to be there actually shocks me. Some of the most dependable people in my life are the ones that I thought to be flaky and unreliable. I did a real disservice to myself and them to categorize them that way, but consider it lesson learned. ;)
The other big shocker to me is, somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to leave Az and go back home, and Az became my home. As much as I want to travel and see the world, I think it would break my heart a little if I actually lived somewhere else.
So. Yeah. Today's not some special day, just a random Friday where a 90 min client NC/NSed me and wasn't the last one scheduled. But that kinda makes this better. I'm not sharing this because I'm getting to eat some amazing pie or because I have a twinkly tree in my house, I'm sharing this because even though today was a pretty crazy, frantic day, I am incredibly happy to be living the life I'm living.
Anywho, When I was growing up, I dreamt of moving back to LA, living off Ramen and being a famous writer/photographer. In reality, I spent the majority of my senior year of HS in one of the most dysfunctional relationships known to man and I forgot to apply to any colleges. The only part of that dream that came true was the over abundance of Top Ramen in my late teens/early 20's. To this day I can't touch the stuff.
After HS, I dreamt of being THE boss of something, anything. At one point I was trying to become a Retail Store Manager for a toy company that no longer exists. I spent 5 years with them to be denied raises and promotions because I was an unmarried female and that made me too unstable to promote. I watched a good handful of men trained by me get the promotions I was seeking. (Bastards)
In massage school we were given an assignment where we were to create Vision Boards of what we want our futures to look like. I ransom note styled my dreams of a 4 day work week, college funds for any children I might have (I was barely even engaged so this was Pre-Aydan), and this amazing community center like day spa that I could still very easily spend at least an entire hour talking about.
After Monkey was born, I almost gave up. Pregnancy ran such a number on me, I was ready to just go back to running a register or being someone's over qualified secretary.
I don't know why, but one day I did start applying for jobs that I did actually want, and I ended up landing a pretty great massage job that kept me relatively happy for over a year. While I was there, I worked a few other places as well, AND on my own business again. Before Aydan I was pouring my heart and soul into someone else's dream, and I was making an average of $600/week, but I felt unfulfilled.
Now here I am. January 2013. Officially solely self employed for the 3rd year. 2 rooms, 2 other LMTs and a PT receptionist under my lead. An expansion in my building that's leading me towards managing an entire building.
And in my personal life, for the first time ever, I have a group of people in my life that I can count on for support. Not just one or two people, but an actual gaggle! The people that I can count on to be there actually shocks me. Some of the most dependable people in my life are the ones that I thought to be flaky and unreliable. I did a real disservice to myself and them to categorize them that way, but consider it lesson learned. ;)
The other big shocker to me is, somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to leave Az and go back home, and Az became my home. As much as I want to travel and see the world, I think it would break my heart a little if I actually lived somewhere else.
So. Yeah. Today's not some special day, just a random Friday where a 90 min client NC/NSed me and wasn't the last one scheduled. But that kinda makes this better. I'm not sharing this because I'm getting to eat some amazing pie or because I have a twinkly tree in my house, I'm sharing this because even though today was a pretty crazy, frantic day, I am incredibly happy to be living the life I'm living.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I'm not as think as you dumb I am....
First off, I want to point out that I almost wrote this last night around 2am, but I stopped myself for a couple of reasons. 1) If I'm going to touch on this subject my spelling and grammar should be in the reasonably correct category. 2) So far my late night posts have been more rambly and really, it was 2am.. Just because I never sleep doesn't mean I shouldn't TRY to sleep... So here goes my attempt to convince you that yes, there is in fact a brain hiding under my brightly colored hair (which is currently Cherry Red fyi).
Secondly, I'm making some assumptions about the people that read this that are as follows;
If you're reading this most likely you:
*Have seen my face when words fall out of it
*Knew me decently well at one point or another in my life
*Have looked at me while I was talking like I sprouted another head
*Don't know nearly as much about me as you think ;)
Ok. So without turning this into one of those pathetic woe is me things, lets just say my childhood was more sadness and stress than lollipops and gumdrops. Before I even hit puberty I was dealing with shiet that not even some grown folks could handle. So to cope, I did a couple of things, first, I started my lifelong off and on relationship with nicotine (currently off btw) and whenever possible, I turned off my brain. I became a pro at word vomit. Ironically I was in the honors classes in school, but if you asked the kids in my classes they probably couldn't tell you why.
Eventually, it just became second nature to dumb myself up, to the point where even now it's assumed I'm an immature ditz. Very few people even try to disprove that "fact", and when someone stumbles across the knowledge I'm not a blooming idiot the shock factor is pretty high.
So what's the point of me claiming to be of the intelligent variety? I'm needing to do bigger and better this year, and that means being able to convey smart versus dumb, and that means convincing myself. If I can't prove myself to myself how can I prove myself to anyone else?
2013, I'm coming for you. ;)
Secondly, I'm making some assumptions about the people that read this that are as follows;
If you're reading this most likely you:
*Have seen my face when words fall out of it
*Knew me decently well at one point or another in my life
*Have looked at me while I was talking like I sprouted another head
*Don't know nearly as much about me as you think ;)
Ok. So without turning this into one of those pathetic woe is me things, lets just say my childhood was more sadness and stress than lollipops and gumdrops. Before I even hit puberty I was dealing with shiet that not even some grown folks could handle. So to cope, I did a couple of things, first, I started my lifelong off and on relationship with nicotine (currently off btw) and whenever possible, I turned off my brain. I became a pro at word vomit. Ironically I was in the honors classes in school, but if you asked the kids in my classes they probably couldn't tell you why.
Eventually, it just became second nature to dumb myself up, to the point where even now it's assumed I'm an immature ditz. Very few people even try to disprove that "fact", and when someone stumbles across the knowledge I'm not a blooming idiot the shock factor is pretty high.
So what's the point of me claiming to be of the intelligent variety? I'm needing to do bigger and better this year, and that means being able to convey smart versus dumb, and that means convincing myself. If I can't prove myself to myself how can I prove myself to anyone else?
2013, I'm coming for you. ;)
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A Little Blasphemy as a Literal (and Figurative) Sign of Progress
Hello there, it’s been a while, and in true returning from ghosting fashion, I am here to either share something vapid and meaningless, or ...
