There is some people, that when they think of me, they think their angriest, darkest thoughts, who wish only bad things to happen to me because of the way I wronged them in the past. There are people that when they think of me, think of me as this blessing in their life, who cannot see past the good I‘ve done to see me as a flawed human worth criticism, and I can do no wrong in their eyes. No matter what I say or do, to those two groups of people, their opinions of the type of person I am is cemented into their heads.
Which, kinda sucks. We all are terrible people at some point in our lives, as well as amazing people, but most of the time, we’re all just okay-ish people trying to make the best of what lives we’re living. Most of us, most of the time, are completely average. And that’s ok. Mainly because if you do it right, you have other average people in your life that makes your life feel unique and special and decidedly NOT average.
Last year my best friend got married to “The Love of Her Life”, not in quotations sarcastically, like you might be expecting from me, more like as a title. They knew early on that they were done looking and they almost immediately started planning their future together. The way they adore each other, and have stood by each other, right off the bat from day one, ready to stand up to any challenge life throws either of their directions is sincerely a sight to behold. The way they love each other is enough for my cynical ass to have some sliver of hope to one day have that sort of confidence for another person, and have it returned. It is disgusting, and true goals.
Recently, some of his ugly came out. And it rippled through her life quickly and messily. The shock waves will be felt by his actions for a long time to come. He is remorseful, and in the middle of what I imagine to be one of the hardest lessons of his adult life. My best friend is torn apart having to find the balance between standing by her partner and expressing the amount of betrayal she now feels.
But, how does that work exactly? What’s that /thing/ that makes people so sure that outside of extremes that aren’t even worth listing in their obviousness, that they have a person worth fighting through thick and thin with? I was married, and was so committed to our relationship that I tattooed his wedding band pattern onto my ring finger. Even with that level of commitment, one of the first words out of my mouth to my friend who tagged along with me was “Well, if this doesn’t work out, I guess I’ll deserve the pain of laser removal.” Apparently my lame psychic power is guessing crappy things that are going to happen in the future. And yes, laser tattoo removal is horrible.
Now, I can only speculate. Call it soulmates, the right person, both people learning from their past relationships to be at a point where they know how to fight for a relationship instead of ending it… I don’t know, because I haven’t experienced it yet, so I don’t know what to call it, or how one gets it. I just know it’s not something I’ve found yet. But, I think it’s something I’d like to experience. Which is sort of a new concept for me. I’ve always assumed I’d float through life myself, my kid and my friends. Honestly, I’ve spent so long building a full life in other areas, it’s never been a priority.
There’s something about the way my best friend looks at her husband though. Even when she was angry and hurt, I could still clearly see the love and determination in her eyes. Even knowing that they have an uphill battle ahead of them, knowing that it will take months if not longer to rebuild their trust, their love is still clear as day. And that sort of magic is worth holding onto, if ever given the chance.