Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Home is Where Again???

Depending on which cliche you subscribe to, home is either Where you hang your hat, lay your head, where your bed is, where your heart is, or someplace you can never go back to. (Did I miss any?)

"borrowed" from   
Home for me just changed. Back in August my husband and I made a decision that we both agreed would be best for our family, but it took a bit longer to turn into fruition so we are now week 2 into something we have been discussing doing for the last 4 months. Funny thing is, when you talk about something for so long it's very easy to paint a specific picture of how it will look and of course we go to the finished product. Reality is more... complex than that. Change, no matter how good of a thing it is, is messy and hard and stressful. Tensions get on edge and then you end up snapping.

We both know we are making the right decision, but that doesn't change the fact that everything that has been one thing for almost the last decade of our lives is now a completely different thing. I've mentioned this in the past, I am a creature that thrives on the repetitive things in life and as of the 17th of this month nothing is the same anymore.

In this short time already I have learned things about myself, like how somewhere along the way I accidentally  because a person afraid to make any sort of ::slightly:: major decision without someone else's input. "Should the desk go there or there? Ok. that's what I thought but I didn't want to be wrong." I lost my confidence and self assurance and those need to be the first things to come back. I have a long road ahead of me, and at least now I have a starting point.

I am: Terrified. Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Optimistic. Worried. At Peace. And a million other things right now. But the one thing I am most of all? I am at home in my own self. I see lots of internal redecorating in my future, but at least I know that for me at least, Home is where my hope is.

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