Friday, September 19, 2014

When You're On A Roll....

Eventually you stop. And that is exactly what happened to me! I was writing A LOT, making tons of progress, and then one day BANG! Writer's Block. So I tried to change what I was writing about, and failed pretty spectacularly. The small amount of writing I managed was so bad I deleted them completely.

I'm still fighting a bit of a block, but I'm feeling triumphant right now which means if I had someone around right now I would be word vomiting on them. BUT, it's Friday night and I'm mom to a toddler so you get my word vomit instead! Betcha feel lucky huh?

So my block is caused by the fact that I'm still nervous about sharing my truths. One of the smartest people I've ever met sent me this quote semi recently:
 "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." -Anne Lamott

Problem is, the people I can write warmly about would probably be confused at the depth of regard I hold them in, and writing about the other people is scary because they don't realize how much pain they have caused me, and those (very different) depths would be startling and a very rude awakening. No one wants to be rudely awakened by some silly bright haired gal. These are things they should discover on their own, without my interference (main reason I use an alias when I write btw).

I want to be able to share and make a difference, but A lot of these people are still in my life to some degree. Most of the things I'm writing about are things from people that claimed love-like emotions and family-like closeness. I've done some major purging of the ick in my life, and I really like the direction I'm headed in. That doesn't change the fact that some people that have (accidentally or not) caused me pain aren't going anywhere. Sure, they can be pushed to the edge, and not be as centered as they used to be, but they still exist and I still care.

I'm not one to purposely cause pain to anyone, even if it would be technically returning the favor. That's not how I roll.

And that's why I get writer's block.

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