Sunday, October 25, 2015

I Don't Want to Talk About Today

Which is exactly why I need to.

For the last handful of weeks I have walking a thin line between my sanity and not sanity. From having to upend my life with next to no notice, to seeing multiple judges to fix multiple wrongs in my life to running out of toilet paper for the first time in my entire life because I don't have my own method of transportation and trips to the store are sometimes impossible to fit in. 

I have been thisclose to breaking down completely and I honestly don't know how I've made it this far, but I have. Today was filled with a lot of silent tears, the kind that burn your face when thye fall, and a lot of staring at the wall feeling a whole lot of nothing. But today was also a day filled with my son's laughter and a trip to the laundromat where poor Gil got kicked in the legs by said child who didn't like that I told him that he was staying while I popped over to the dollar store. 

I hated today. Whenever I was alone with myself I was being beat up by the meanest bully I know, my subconscious. And it was not holding back. Every single negative thought that has even popped by for a short moment showed up today and did a can-can on my brain-heart. 

It also didn't help that I completely forgot to eat until about half hour ago where that little lightbulb clicked over my head. 

The good news is that my job is so physically demanding that about every 3 months I take 3-4 days off to physically recooperate and that starts this Wednesday. Perfect timing. I am going to take my time off and completely reset myself. And turn 30, I guess. If I get reminded. Once again I am totally fine if my birthday gets skipped over and mostly ignored. I'm going to the aquarium with my son, and I asked Gil to produce a cake like thing, but that's it. 

My stomach is growling. I need to eat. So I'm done typing now. 

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