Saturday, January 18, 2014

How I Feel...

Life is different now. All sorts of changes and adjustments happening around me, and for the most part life is good. There's always room for improvement, but for the majority of the time I am feeling positive emotions.

I have some people in my life that love me, and as such they've been worried about how much laughing and smiling I've been doing. By all accounts I should be a curled up ball of mess, but when you run into me at the store, or by the mailbox, on the surface all you see is smiles. Apparently that means I am completely falling apart and just need someone to ask me if I'm ok. I love that my loved ones care enough to ask me, and when asked I do honestly answer. But just because you don't like or understand my answer doesn't take away from the truth of how I'm feeling.

So, let me explain a few things to hopefully clarify my position.

I had a "traumatic childhood experience" that resulted in EIGHT years of consecutive therapy. Now, we could debate on the pros and cons of having 8 years of my life over-analyzed not just by me, but a rotating door of therapists, but we will save that for a different time. Point is, after 8 years of being taught how to examine how and why you feel certain ways about the color orange, you do pick up some useful life tools. (Deciding to use them came MUCH later) So what does that mean? That means that I can look at a situation, acknowledge HOW it makes me feel, and let myself just feel for a while. That also means I can properly detach myself from the situation long enough to figure out how much time I need to grieve and where the appropriate times will fit into my life, and then when to let the emotion go.

Basically; I am feeling what I need to feel to properly process the changes happening in my life, but not dwelling on the bad. It's none of anyone's business but my own to count my tears, and if I am choosing to look at the light of the tunnel and smile instead of concentrate on the spots of dark that are being traveled through then shouldn't that be enough?

Everyone is always looking to focus on the bad in any and every situation. I'm not. I don't want to be a bitter ole hag that hates the world. I want to have a happy, peaceful life. And I want the people in my life to be happy, peaceful people.

Easy peasy?

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